Comfort Food
by Lizzerella
Summary: After being snubbed by Alice once again, a depressed Mad Hatter tells the story of his day to anyone who may be listening. Does he get a relatively happy ending? Alice/Reg Hatter WCMI-based. T for innuendo!


AN: This is based off of the web-comic "When Curiosity Met Insanity" by the wonderful Bri-chan and Rain. All credit for characters goes to them and their genius!! This is just one big drabble from Reggie's POV because I LOVE him. I magaine this takes place before the "Seranade" chapter, but on that same day. Enjoy~

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Wonderland's own, self-styled "Mad Hatter" sat down one afternoon precisely where every Disneyland resident expected him to be; he sat down for tea. What they wouldn't have expected was the frown on his face, the furrow in his brow and the generally glum air that surrounded him.

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I plopped down in one of the many chairs and glowered sullenly at my teacup, well aware that I was pouting but too upset to change my attitude. I had been rejected- for the _umpteenth_ time, mind you- by Alice today.

'_Oh Alice. Cricket. Dumpling. Marshmallow. Pumpkin Pie. Mmm, pie…'_

I reached for a scone, my mouth watering, and then considered my topping options. Deciding on some clotted cream, I dove for the correct jar, catching it unawares- as planned- so it couldn't run away. I do so hate it when that happens.

I covered my scone to satisfaction and thought as I chewed.

Most of my names for Alice _do_ seem to relate to food, for some reason. Well, I can think of a few reasons but some of them are far too gooey and romantic, and all the rest are _hardly_ appropriate. I could feel a smirk spread across my face as I let those particular thoughts run rampant for a moment, and I imagine I resembled the cat that stares after the canary.

Said overused metaphor does allow for her beautiful yellow hair after all. Although I don't particularly want to eat Alice… I frowned at the distasteful idea, but then smiled again as a different interpretation of the phrase called for my attention.

Oh, what a not-very-classy mind I tend to have. But then again, my mind seems to change quite often.

'_Oh, that was almost a pun! If only I'd worded it differently…I must remember to share it with Alice; sometimes she _almost_ laughs at them. _

_Ah, yes! That's what I was doing- sulking because my dear Miss. Liddel doesn't want to go to the dance with me.'_

I sighed heavily and sipped some tea. After long deliberation, I'd settled for tea with honey and lemon, aiming for my own version of 'comfort food'. Everyone seems to have their own version of comfortable-foodstuffs, and I wonder what Alice's could be and what sort of happenings make her crave it…

I could further expound upon the subject, but that would be quite the tangent, and I'm getting frightfully off topic as it is…

'_So, right- Alice and the dance.'_

I groaned and rested my chin in one gloved hand, going into full-on-unhappy mode. Really, I was quite displeased.

'_I had visited my darling at her bookshop, eager to see her smiling face- sure that _this_ time, she would finally say yes. (_After all, determination really is key_.) I swept into the store looking dashing in my usual attire. Well, not quite the usual as I had decided to mix it up a little by wearing a sparkly _orange_ vest with a _blue_ coat, instead of the other way around. The sparkles truly made the outfit._

_Stunning, right? Right. _

_And there she was, leaning against the counter, intent upon the book that lay open before her. The light from the windows hit her just right, and she seemed to glow and radiate beauty. My little peppermint stick always manages to outdo me in the simplest of outfits._

_Ooh, peppermint stick! That's a good one! Alice does have a bit of bite to her- not exactly sweet, but still a "taste" that people appreciate. Hmm…That's somewhat poetic, almost deep. How odd for me…'_

'_Get back on track, Reginald come on!'_ I shook my head in an attempt to focus, but really all I accomplished was tossing my hair in my face and nearly dislodging my hat.

'_So, before I so rudely interrupted myself, Alice looked simply gorgeous and I wasn't looking too bad myself. I took a moment to swallow my hesitation (_and what a nasty taste it had!_) as memories of what seems like a thousand rejections came to mind. _

_I set my hat at a rakish angle for confidence's sake- the ladies appreciate a man who's sure of himself- and sauntered up to the counter._

_I leaned directly across from her and peered at her face, holding back giggles when I realized that she wasn't noticing anything outside of her book. It's really very cute how caught up in them she gets.'_

I grinned a bit goofily in recollection and took another sip of my tea.

'_After a few minutes, I frowned, for she still hadn't noticed me. Watching someone turn pages is only entertaining for so long. Even if it is Alice. And I dislike being ignored. It's so very _boring_! People tell me all the time that they're trying to ignore me and it's quite the mood killer, let me tell you. _

_Some people just _don't_ appreciate me properly._

_I glanced around, wondering how to get her attention. It was quietly peaceful in the shop and I would have felt awkward saying something to break the silence. Instead, I slid a few inches to the right, interrupting the light and letting my (_magnificent_) hat's shadow fall across her page._

_Rather than jumping, as I fear she would have had I spoken aloud, Alice simply glanced up curiously. Her pretty eyes widened upon seeing me and I grinned toothily at her. She looked around nervously (_Because she's secretly in love with me, of course. Not because she hates it when I ask her out or anything. Wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea…_) and then looked back at me._

_She sighed (_Because I looked dreamy- _not_ from exasperation!_). "What is it today, Mr. Theophilus?" _

"_The third," I replied immediately, but smiled to show I took no real offense. "That's hardly a polite greeting Cricket." I slid back over to lean across the counter and closer to her face, but she backed away at once. "And you call yourself a proper lady…" I scoffed while she winced._

"_Excuse me," she responded scathingly, and I began to doubt myself again upon hearing her tone. "Good afternoon, Mr. Theophilus _the third_. It's lovely to see you again! How are you this fine day and what brings you to our store?" She simpered her decorous greeting and then flashed me a sickeningly fake smile. By then I was thoroughly deflated as Alice had made it clear that she wasn't at all pleased to see me._

_I suppose something in my downtrodden expression struck a chord with her wonderfully soft and forgiving heart, because her gaze softened. "How can I help you today, Reginald?" I perked right back up at her kinder tone, beaming.'_

I smiled into my teacup. There was some proof that she was coming around- a vast improvement from when she showed no guilt at all when spurning my advances. I resolved to keep hoping for the future.

'"_Well ya see honey bunch..." Alice grew more guarded at the nickname and I made a mental note to refrain from using them for the rest of my visit. "I have a problem that only _you_ can help me with!"_

"_And what's that?"_

"_The Spring Dance is fast approaching and I don't have a date! Moreover, as I've been told, neither do you! Don't you see Alice? It's fate, destiny! We were meant to go together!"_

_I said all of this charmingly (_as Prince Charmings One and Two had so graciously taught me_) but it didn't seem to have much effect. Alice sighed and shifted her weight from foot to foot, as if uncertain of what to say next. She answered me with her gaze fixed somewhere over my shoulder, like she couldn't bear to look at me when she spoke next. _

"_I wish you'd stop asking Mr. Theophilus (_the third!_). My answer will not change and I don't enjoy hurting your feelings over and over again." She glanced at me and I tried to mask my sad expression now that I knew she disliked it. _

_Alice, of course, saw right through me. She's just so perceptive. _

_Ah, my little gum drop…Gum drops would be nice right about now. Or any kind of candy really.'_

All that the March Hare's ridiculously large table had to offer, however, were several different types of tea, cakes and biscuits. Sadly, there was no candy to be found. Until I suddenly remembered the small wrapped _something_ I had found on the street that morning and grabbed because it was such a pretty, shiny green.

After a moment spent searching my many pockets, I whipped it out with a flourish, admired the wrapper for another moment, and then opened it. It was a hard candy- of what flavor, I couldn't guess- and I was about to pop it into my mouth when Ears' face suddenly entered my head, scolding me for eating things that I found on the street.

I stared at my prize wistfully for a second, but after an internal debate, set the candy aside without eating it.

'_Oh…I've gotten off track again. My apologies. _

_Alice was staring sadly at me, her mouth set into a little frown that, while adorable, did not agree with me. "Why do you keep coming back, Reginald?"_

_I didn't like that something about me was bothering her, of course not, but I was slightly relieved that this was all. I grinned at her as reassuringly as I knew how, leaning even further over the counter to be in her face again. It was not an entirely comfortable position, as I had to stand on my toes to manage it, but it was worth it to see her expression at my proximity. _

"_Because," I began without much thought to my words. "I like you nearly as much, or possibly more than, I like tea."_

_Alice started and I was pleased to watch a becoming blush bloom in her cheeks. (_How's that for alliteration?_) She is always so beautiful when she blushes._

"_I-I don't know that to say..."_

"_Easy! Say you'll come to the dance with me!"_

_Annoyance flashed across her face, presumably because I'd ruined the moment. "No," she snapped with a frown. "And stop asking!"_

"_Never." I replied, although the rejection stung. I kept my face good-natured as I tried to playoff her refusal. Alice huffed and stormed away from the counter- me following, of course- and into the back of the store. She muttered something under her breath and I couldn't help but take note of how pretty she was when she was mad. _

"_How is it you manage to follow me around all the time anyway," she demanded, arms crossed as she whirled around to face me. "Don't you ever go to work?" She was grasping at straws now and I smirked, leaning against a bookshelf with my hands in my pockets. I imagine I looked rather suave. _

"_I own my haberdasher, sweetheart. I get to set my own hours." _

_She stiffened and then glared at me. Damn. I'd forgotten to drop the pet names._

"_I am _not_ your sweetheart, Mr. Theophilus-"_

_I cut off whatever she'd been about to say to affably point out my place on the Hatter family tree with a playful smile. "The third, Alice!" _

_For some reason, my friendly reminder infuriated her and, with a short angry shriek, she waved her hands at me as if she were only _just_ managing not to push me. "Get out, Reginald!"_

"_No," I replied, bewildered by her impromptu reaction. _

"_You insufferable man!" she shouted. "Leave this instant!"_

_This seemed like a fun sort of back-and-forth to have, so I replied "No way!" in a cheery sort of voice. _

_She seemed to realize that I wasn't taking her seriously. "I mean it Reginald! Out!" She pointed at the door in case I'd forgotten where it was. Alice is very helpful after all._

_I pouted a bit at her commands. "I'm not a dog, ya know." But I turned to leave, figuring enough was enough for one day. I turned back halfway to the exit, smiling hopefully. "Are you sure you don't want to go-"_

"_No," Alice interrupted, arms still crossed but looking faintly amused._

"_So, no, you're not sure?" I teased, feeling clever._

_She frowned at me, amusement fading. "No, I will not go with you!" I sighed and left the shop. _

_After a moment of standing on the sidewalk, I turned and poked my head back through the door. "Are you _positive_?"_

"_GET OUT!" She all but screamed at me (_That's my girl_). I really had no choice but to take my leave.'_

I sighed again at my own small, unhappy ending.

It's really not fair. Why couldn't she just give me a chance? Although I have to admit, the challenge did make things more fun… And it sets my lovely Alice apart from all those other Disney blondes.

I snickered at that. I certainly had *ahem* _gotten to know_ my fair share of Disney women over the years. Alice was by far the most captivating.

This time my sigh was one of reverence. She really is perfect.

I smiled goofily at nothing, resting my head on my hand and stirring my tea absentmindedly with the other. After a while though, I found myself glancing up and down the long table and noticing all the empty chairs. Just where was Ears, anyway? Drinking tea alone is no fun, not at all.

I frowned, fully prepared to pout over my loneliness as well when I heard a delicate cough from over by the gate. My head whipped around to stare, and then I was on my feet as a grin spread across my face.

"Cricket!" I crowed joyfully, dashing over to catch her up in a giant hug. She grimaced uncomfortably and shoved me away with one small hand against my face. I went without a fight, too pleased with her sudden appearance to risk angering her just yet.

That was when I noticed the white box she held in her other hand. "Ooh, what's that Alice? It's a cake, right? You baked me a cake? Oh, you shouldn't have!"

She rolled her eyes, annoyance and amusement mixing to color her tone as she replied, "Good, because I didn't. This is a cake I _bought_ to share with my good friend, Mr. _March Hare._" Her smirk was disarmingly lovely.

"Oh," I murmured, momentarily put off. "Well, no matter!" I brightened again. "Ears is mysteriously missing at the moment, so why don't you share it with me?" I ushered her towards the table, pulling out a cushy chair and waiting for her to sit.

Alice sat, albeit a bit reluctantly, and put the box on the table. I sat down next to her, scooting my chair closer and beaming at her.

'_Alice came to see me! Forget what she said about Ears; it must be a cover story because she's too shy to admit her true intentions! Yes, that _must_ be it!'_

Alice cleared her throat nervously. "Umm…it's a red velvet cake."

"Wonderful," I replied, not really caring what kind of cake it was. "What kind of tea would you like, sugar cube?"

"Lemon, please." I hurried to fetch it for her. While I busied with catching the right teapot, Alice sliced the cake, getting a piece for each of us. How fantastically _cozy_ this was turning out to be!

When the snack was properly arranged, I sat down next to her again. "So, what brings you here, dear Alice?" I had to wait for her answer, because she had only _just_ taken a bite of cake, which reminded me to sample my plate. It was good, but red velvet isn't my favorite.

"I've already said. I came to visit the March Hare." She kept her gaze locked on her tea however, which I found rather suspicious.

"Really? Truly? In all honesty? You didn't…oh, I don't know…come to see _me_?" I raised an accusing eyebrow while she glowered up at me.

"No, Reginald." Alice somehow made my name sound like an insult, which is somewhat of a talent. I pouted briefly, but as she showed no signs of feeling sorry for me, I gave that one up quickly.

"Why bring a cake? You've never done _that_ before."

"Well, I've been craving it since you left earlier actually." She sent me a pointed stare as she further explained, "I tend to want some when I'm in a _bad mood_."

I winced, remembering one of my earlier ramblings.

'_Well, isn't this ironic. Here's her comfort food right here, and she needs it because of _you_!' _

I sighed. "I don't see why you won't just agree to go with me already."

Alice didn't appreciate the way the conversation was going. "I don't want to go _anywhere_ with you. You annoy me."

Now I was the one glaring at her. "Hmph…and how do I do that?" _'Really, I have a wonderful personality. I'm charming! Why doesn't she see this?'_

She gaped at me, supposedly because I hadn't realized my own obnoxious tendencies. "What, do you want me to list the ways?" I began to regret my question as dread built in my stomach. "You're constantly invading my personal space; you're rude and insulting; you have no fashion sense whatsoever-"

"Hey! I have a spectacular fashion sense! How can you say that?"

Alice raised an eyebrow, "Very easily Reginald." She went back to listing my 'faults' holding up one finger for each that she named. I tuned her out, drinking my tea and pondering how she could _possibly_ not like my sparkly vest. "And finally," she said as I zoned back in. "You have no idea how to go about courting a lady."

My mouth fell open. "_What?!?_" I thought back through all of my successful conquests. If I didn't know what I was doing, how had I managed all of _that_? "Then how would _you_ suggest I handle it," I demanded, scowling.

She mirrored my expression. "How about you try not to annoy me for one?"

I sputtered incredulously, unable to form the proper words of outrage. "And you should be more…_romantic_." A dreamy look slid onto her face that I had never seen before. My anger calmed upon seeing such an adorable expression.

Alice smiled at nothing, gazing across the table. "You should bring flowers…" She glanced at me pointedly to add, "That _won't_ insult me" with a little frown. "And act like a _gentlemen_." She sighed distractedly. "Serenading is nice, too. A romantic song in the moonlight…" Alice trailed off, smiling again.

I considered her for a moment. Well, that didn't sound too hard. Flowers were easy enough to find, and I _do_ have a remarkable singing voice. I smirked, for Alice had given me a spectacular idea.

Which meant that I needed time to prepare for tonight.

"Well Cricket," I began abruptly, jumping to my feet and startling her out of her daydream. "This has all been great fun. We really should do it again sometime!"

I (_gently!_) pulled her up by her arm, looped it through mine, and started leading her towards the gate. "However, sadly, all good things must come to an end! We must awaken from even our most pleasant of dreams! Ice cream does indeed, _eventually_ melt!" Alice stared at me like I was crazy, a look I'm very used to receiving and am no longer put-off by.

We reached the gate in just a few steps and I pulled it open for her, pushed her through, and then closed it swiftly behind her. "Farewell, dumpling! Adieu, mon cherie! So long, doll face! Until next time!" I carried on with as many different goodbyes as I could think of, which Alice quickly tired of. She turned and walked away without a word to me, nose in the air.

I smiled at the familiar departure.

'_Now…to _plan_…'_


End file.
